Pastor Al Paulauski, From Your Pal Pastor Al

Pastor Al Paulauski

From Your Pal October 2008

Preparing Your Pre-teen for the Teen Years

     Think back to the first few days of your child's life. They were probably filled with awe and wonder. How about the terrible two's? Maybe a little challenging but they eventually outgrew those years. The first day of kindergarten comes and goes all too quickly, leading to the elementary years, when the moods of your kids can leave you excited one moment and then exhausted the next. And then suddenly comes the "pre-teen" years leading to the dreaded teen years.
     These pre-teen years seem to hit from nowhere and they often leave parents wondering exactly what happened to that relatively intelligent and well-mannered child they used to call their son or daughter. While you can't do everything to get your pre-teen ready for the teenage years, there are a few things you can do to prepare. And prepare you will want to do so that its impact isn't as bad.
Dave and Claudia Arp suggest five things that can help prepare you as your pre-teen moves to the teenage years. I want to share them with you.
     1. Regroup: Too many of us are trying to parent our pre-teen the same way we did when they were toddlers. That's just not going to work. Call a "timeout" for yourselves, Mom and Dad, and go out for some coffee, dinner or whatever it takes for both of you and reassess your situation with your pre-teen. You've got to be a bit more flexible during the pre-teen years, but temper that flexibility by remaining fair and firm.
     2. Release: Be sure to mark the milestones in the lives of each of your kids. Their 13th birthday is a big one. So is the day they get their drivers license, or have their curfew extended for reaching a particular age or goal you've set for them. In doing so, you're not only rewarding their good behavior, you're also releasing them from childhood into adulthood in small, age-appropriate steps.
     3. Relate: This is sometimes tough as the "communication bridge" between our pre-teens and us isn't always working. A good objective is to "Listen more - Lecture less." It's also helpful when you remember to not "Major in the minors." In other words, try not to make a big deal out of issues that really may not be all that important, while keeping an eye open for big life issues.
     4. Relax: It amazes me when I hear from a parent who has grown overly concerned when his or her pre-teen begins "acting weird" right around his or her 13th birthday. It's then I have to remind this parent that these occurrences are quite normal. We all went though it and we lived to tell the tale. Our pre-teens will also. Of course, relaxing does not give you a "free pass" to shy away from instructing and correcting your pre-teens - on the contrary! Just strive to be fair, firm and consistent with the discipline and you should be fine.
     5. Remember: Don't keep score of every little mistake your pre-teen makes. Rather, remember what kinds of things you went though when you were a teenager and how your own parents handled things when you messed up. Were they compassionate? Irrational? Understanding? Borrow from their good examples and learn from the bad. Also, REMEMBER who will be taking care of you eventually as you get older.

October Highlights

Fall Youth Convention
This year's Fall Youth Convention is Friday-Saturday, November 7th-8th in Grand Rapids. Youth Convention is one of the most strategic events that we participate in every year. It's a weekend conference that is guaranteed to change the life of your student for the better. Our students who will be going will be joined by 1500 other students from around the state for some powerful youth services. Cost is $65 per student (if a non-refundable deposit is received by Wed. Oct. 1st). After Oct. 1st the cost goes up to $75 per student. See Pastor Al for more details.

Parenting Teens Class
As we continue to try to be a resource to parents we are excited about the new "Parenting Teens Class" that we are now offering. The class started on Wednesday, September 24th and is running for 10-12 weeks. It is being taught by a set of parents with teens (Dave & Melanie Bonello). Although the class has started you are still welcome to join. If you need more info please contact Pastor Al or Melanie Bonello.

Fine Arts Festival
Yes, it's that time of year again. Fine Arts for 2008-2009 will be beginning Sunday, October 19th after morning service. Students will be going out for lunch and then coming back to the church for a quick meeting followed by a short time of practice/strategizing. Fine Arts is an incredible program that the Assemblies of God has put together to help students begin to discover and shape possible gifts and talents that God has given to them. As always we will be providing some coaches to help students. If your teenager is interested, or at least interested in hearing what it's all about, please come to our meeting. Nationals for this year's Fine Arts will be held in Orlando, Florida. For more information see Pastor Al or Lana Paulauski

Parents Night
Our annual "Parents' Night" which was scheduled for Wednesday, Oct. 15th has been rescheduled for Wednesday, Dec. 10th. Sorry for the inconvenience.